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Validation in Disguise

Most people don’t realize that the relationship you have with others is a reflection of yourself


I’m sitting here thinking 4:46 am like why am I up. Don’t want to be up, but let me talk about what is on my mind. This week I've been really diving deeper and becoming aware of things I need to unlearn to relearn in order to have a healthier lifestyle. It’s crazy because most people don’t realize that the relationship you have with others is a reflection of yourself. Honestly I just realized that after reflecting on my healing journey. I noticed that being honest with others about who I am and what I feel is not the easiest thing in the world with my history of suppression. I adapted this false sense of intimacy (I learned this from the black girls heal podcast by Shena Tubbs ). False intimacy is when intense connections happen so fast but are perceived as real because you are being yourself & doing healthy relationships things. I realize just because you connect doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a connection. Chile that’s a werd. I've been in this season where I've been showing up as myself and I’m realizing that is a win for me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean people should have all access to me. Being intimate with myself is a new level of awareness that I’m learning value in. It’s knowing my core to feel emotional safe to be me. I listened to another black girls heal podcast ‘Why I can’t control them’ and she asked the question ‘What do you need to feel emotionally safe in a relationship’? I said I feel emotionally safe when who I’am, where I’am and becoming is honored & respected. I feel safe when my trust is valued, my vulnerability is selfless and my expectation & needs are communicated & met. Not realizing that is something that I need to work on with myself instead of being dependent on someone to validate. Chileeee it’s another werd. Struggling with validation is an ongoing process with me, but as I learn to be emotionally safe with me I learn to love and appreciate myself more and validate less. I need to stop dressing up my validation and start exposing her more. Once she is exposed she starts to flourish . Whewwww the growth on yo girl is ridiculous, thank you lord Jesus. 

Cadedra Burks 

Personal blog 

Validation in Disguise


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