Pick up your feelings

I respect my feelings, but those feelings are altering my reality. It makes me feel like I can’t trust myself.

---

Hey Self, I know you’re in your feelings but I need to holla at you. I was triggered to call the male specie and curse him out. I felt like I had God on one shoulder and the devil (that liquor) on the other. I allowed it to ring twice, but hung up because I realized I didn’t want to go down the same cycle. Although I must admit I wanted him to extend his outreach and that happened. I’m glad I responded with lol because I was the joke for trying to put myself in a situation that could potentially set me back. Tbh I feel some anger there that I’m trying to cover up so I can move on. I’m angry because he didn’t call me back to have the conversation, I’m angry because I still feel and love him, I’m angry because apart of me believe we can still work, I’m angry because I’m steady compromising my worth to feel wanted by him, I’m angry because I can’t erase the past, I’m angry because as I grow he isn’t growing with me, I’m angry for still feeling hope and I’m angry because this shit is tiring. I’m doing the work, but the process is frustrating. I’m doing the work but feel like I want his validation. I’m doing the work, but feel like damn. Why am I willing to continually self sabotage. Last night I was the joke and I acknowledged that. I respect my feelings, but those feelings are altering my reality. It makes me feel like I can’t trust myself. I acknowledged the issue within that, but that’s my truth. Ion like this shit at all. Shit has to stop, closure or not. Coping mechanisms need to get stronger. I’m doing the work so I’m going to give myself credit. Shit is hard! Jazmine Sullivan said you need to pick up your feelings and I felt that. It’s time to get back in the ring; my flesh & my feelings need to align. Although it is not where I want it to be, I will work until it is. I had to remember shit is easy when you aren’t challenged, but affliction is the true test of character. I got to pick up my MF feelings. I got to holla at my healing coach, listen to black girls heal podcast, write, scream and much more. I got what it takes, I’m picking up my feelings ya heardddddddd. 

Cadedra Burks 

Pick up your feelings 

Personal Evaluation Sunday Blog